


today's a day for snow

by yugto



Series: as per my last email [3]
Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Epistolary, Gen, Snow Day, Social Media
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-10
Updated: 2020-07-10
Packaged: 2021-03-04 23:27:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,268
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25074607
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yugto/pseuds/yugto
Summary: CADE KUIPER, WEATHERMAN:Greetings, Garreg Mach! Something to report! We’ve got an unexpected cold front sweeping in from Faerghus. We got a foot of snow overnight, and as of right now, it’s still really coming down out there.ANNETTE DOMINIC, HOST:Oh gosh, that’s a lot of snow! Do you have any idea when it’s going to stop?KUIPER:Not anytime soon, Annette. This snow is projected to continue for the nextthree weeks!Or, the one in which the gang works from home.
Relationships: Black Eagles Students & Blue Lions Students & Golden Deer Students (Fire Emblem)
Series: as per my last email [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1550389
Comments: 8
Kudos: 48





	today's a day for snow

**Author's Note:**

> this was heavily based on my struggles working from home, but this is not a quarantine fic! i think we all deserve a break from thinking about quarantine. title comes from ["one more day of snow"](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uBhhPJrsAtE).
> 
> another entry in the [as per my last email au](https://archiveofourown.org/series/1550389). this is the first fic in the series to come with an accompanying [playlist](https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PL3swODHKqfl2Bnhj5Bgi_07bNRqzFEGU5)!

**KGMU 101.3,** **_Morning Caffeine_** **, Friday, Great Tree Moon 3, 8:00 AM**

 **ANNETTE DOMINIC, HOST:** Good morning, Garreg Mach! This is KGMU 101.3, home of the Garreg Mach Saints and source of all your daily GMU news. I’m Annette Dominic, and this is _Morning Caffeine_.

_[Music. It sounds vaguely like a bastardized version of the Folgers Coffee jingle.]_

**DOMINIC:** It’s eight AM on this snowy Friday morning! Today’s forecast is brought to you by Cade Kuiper, our favorite (and only) weatherman, and a PhD student with the GMU Department of Atmospheric Sciences. Cade, how’s the weather looking today?

 **CADE KUIPER, WEATHERMAN:** Greetings, Garreg Mach! Something to report! We’ve got an unexpected cold front sweeping in from Faerghus. We got a foot of snow overnight, and as of right now, it’s still _really_ coming down out there. 

**DOMINIC:** Oh gosh, that’s a lot of snow! Do you have any idea when it’s going to stop?

 **KUIPER:** Not anytime soon, Annette. This snow is projected to continue for the next _three weeks!_

 **DOMINIC:** Whoa! Looks like we’ve got quite a few snow days in our future, friends. Keep an eye out for emails from your professors, and stay warm out there. Up next, by request, GMU’s very own Mittelfrank Choral Group with their cover of [ “Pretty Hurts”](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5Dsdk2ZT5jI), featuring our one and only Dorothea Arnault!

* * *

 **Garreg Mach Herald** @GMU_Herald - _6m_  
BREAKING: @GMUAtmoSci reports, snowstorm to continue for next three weeks  
💬1 🔁270 🤍598

> **Garreg Mach Herald** @GMU_Herald - _4m_  
>  GMU confirms all operations moving online until further notice. Further information: gmu.edu/snow-updates  
> 💬0 🔁1,452 🤍3,986

* * *

**gm(f)u center for community based LOSERS,** 8:09 AM

 **“you’re sylvain”, by carly simon** **  
**AYYYYY twitter.com/GMU_Herald/status/832409832480

 **hilda! hilda! hilda!** **  
**🙌🏻🙌🏻🙌🏻

 **24/7 sleepy binch hours**  
nice

 **ain’t no lie baby bye bye by(leth)**  
I’m not surprised at all by the first people to react to this news.

 **(s)chem(er) king** **  
**hello excuse me it is GREAT TREE MOON???  
garreg mach has no business being this cold!  
my flabber: gasted!

 **felix**  
suck it up von riegan.

 **(s)chem(er) king**  
:( 

**felix**  
you won’t see me for three whole weeks. i can insult you all i want.

 **(s)chem(er) king**  
>:( 

* * *

“Three whole weeks? Surely the storm can’t be _that_ bad?” Well, dear reader, the thing about being a “city on a hill”, non-theologically speaking, is that when it snows, the city is rendered essentially useless. All the road salt in Garreg Mach is no match for the amount of snow sheeting down from the sky. The roads, in Dorothea’s words, are “icier than the ninth circle of Hell”. 

“We are understanding,” says her girlfriend, Petra, poking her head into the background of the FaceTime call. “You were to be beginning selections from [ _Dante’s Inferno_](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A7x-la2AbjE) this week.” 

It’s Monday morning, two and a half feet of snow blanket the ground, and Linhardt is, unfortunately, at the grocery store. Making full use of the video capabilities of this call, he rolls his eyes theatrically. “You’re not even _outside_ , Dorothea. Tell me, how do you know that?” A pause. Perhaps what could be considered a sigh. “Now listen, there’s no toilet paper on the shelf here, are you _sure_ we’re out?”

“I can fight someone for a pack,” volunteers Caspar, Linhardt’s boyfriend, who in a valiant attempt to be a good housemate had said that morning to Dorothea and Petra _Hey, me and Lin are going on a grocery run, do we need anything?_ and thus was to blame for this entire situation.

“We are _not_ fighting anyone in this supermarket for a pack of toilet paper,” Linhardt says, in a tone that very strongly implies _I love you but I sincerely regret coming on this shopping expedition_. Unfortunately, his proclamation comes just a bit too late; when he looks up, Caspar is halfway down the aisle, talking animatedly with two blondes, one of whom holds a six-pack of toilet paper. As Linhardt watches, horrified, Caspar and one of the blondes sit on the floor and begin an arm-wrestling match, using the pack of toilet paper as an impromptu table. The look on the other blonde’s face mirrors the look that’s undoubtedly on Linhardt’s. 

“Lin, what are you making a face at? Turn the camera around, I want to see,” Dorothea wheedles. When he does, she just laughs and laughs. 

* * *

**Ingrid Galatea** @ingridlock _\- 15m_  
Someone at Safeway just challenged @dablaiddyd to an arm wrestling match for a pack of toilet paper  
💬8 🔁0 🤍26

> **Ingrid Galatea** @ingridlock _\- 14m_  
>  For the record, Dimitri won! The guy is off to challenge someone else  
> 💬1 🔁0 🤍24
>
>> **unless…? 😏** @youresylvain _\- 7m_  
>  fuck yea that’s our boy 😤😤😤😤  
> 💬1 🔁0 🤍3
>>
>>> **felix** @flxfrldrs **🔒** _\- 4m_  
>  stop fighting people at safeway. you fools are going to get trapped in the snow.  
> 💬0 🔁0 🤍7

* * *

**Dorothea Arnault** paid **Caspar von Bergliez**  
10m 🌎  
Thank you for your service 😌💖🧻  
🤍1 💬

 **Petra Macneary** paid **Linhardt von Hevring**  
8m 🌎  
Emotional reparations. Please to be buying yourself a coffee on the way home.  
🤍5 💬

* * *

 **From:** Seteth C. Hol <[seteth@gmu.edu](mailto:seteth@gmu.edu)>  
 **To:** CBL Staff <[cbl_staff@gmu.edu](mailto:cbl_staff@gmu.edu)>  
 **Subj:** [CBL Staff] New Slack workspace

Good morning all,

In light of current events, Dean Rhea and I have decided it is expedient to set up a new communication platform to facilitate communication between CBL employees. As a student-facing unit, we are all fielding a barrage of emails from students, parents, and fellow GMU staff about the impending closures. Three weeks taken out of a ten-week quarter, as you know, has a significant impact on student learning and engagement.

I’ve asked Byleth with K-12 Outreach to set up a workspace for this unit on Slack, in an attempt to cut down on the amount of emails that are no doubt flooding your inboxes. Please follow the invite link they send out as soon as possible, as conversations will no doubt hit the ground running.

As a reminder, all electronic communications – including those made via Slack – are subject to public records requests. Please use our new workspace wisely.

In a virtual extension of their Lunch and Learn sessions, CBL IT will be running a webinar on how to use Slack tomorrow from 12-1. If you are interested, follow this link to sign up.

Thank you for your patience and flexibility in these unexpected times.

Regards,  
Seteth

SETETH C. HOL  
Garreg Mach University  
Associate Dean | Undergraduate Academics & Programming  
[ seteth@gmu.edu](mailto:seteth@gmu.edu) | Cathedral Hall, Suite 201

* * *

 **Morning Caffeine on KGMU! ☕🍵** @MorningCaf _\- 12m_  
Taking my classes online 🎶 doing my degree on my own time 🎶 it’s the GMU Connection 🎶  
💬1 🔁15 🤍87

 **Lysithea von Ordelia** @lysithea **🔒** _\- 15m_  
I’m paying this much to go to school ONLINE for almost a third of the quarter? I want a refund.  
💬3 🔁0 🤍15

 **harmlessly bastardous** @enDEERing - _7m_ _  
_what happens to my experiments if my lab is closed for 3 weeks lmao  
💬0 🔁0 🤍9

 **GMU Dept. of Atmospheric Sciences** @GMUAtmoSci - _37m_  
Our grad students have dubbed the storm “Snowstorm Nemesis”. Read more about their research here: atmos.gmu.edu/research/meteorology  
💬0 🔁12 🤍57

* * *

**GMU Community Based Learning, #general**

**Byleth Eisner** 9:27 AM **  
**Good morning, all. Welcome to the Slack workspace for CBL staff.  
I understand that not everyone has used Slack before, so please be patient with each other while we transition to this new platform.  
Channels for each subunit within CBL have been set up. Please navigate to the appropriate channel to get started.

 **Rhea A. Bishop** 9:28 AM **  
**Thank you for getting everything set up so quickly, Byleth.  
I knew we were right to entrust you with this task.

* * *

 **gm(f)u center for community based LOSERS,** 9:29 AM

 **ain’t no lie baby bye bye by(leth)** **  
**It took me less than ten minutes to set up that workspace?

 **(s)chem(er) king**  
you know catherine from the dean’s suite would KILL to be complimented by rhea  
take the compliment

* * *

 **fish fear me** @bylethal_weapon - _3m_  
Do you ever get the feeling someone is glaring at you over a Zoom call?  
💬0 🔁0 🤍3

* * *

 **From:** Byleth Eisner <[eisnerb@gmu.edu](mailto:eisnerb@gmu.edu)>  
 **To:** Linhardt von Hevring <[lvh@gmu.edu](mailto:lvh@gmu.edu)>  
 **Subj:** Hanneman and Slack

Hanneman has taken up at least ten minutes of this staff meeting complaining about Slack and Zoom and all these “newfangled technologies”. _Please_ help him get set up. Don’t pretend to be sleeping, I know you’re on the clock right now. 

Thank you in advance for your labor. 

Byleth Eisner _(they/them/theirs)_  
Garreg Mach University | M. Ed. Curriculum & Instruction - Multicultural Education  
K-12 Outreach Program | Graduate Student Assistant

* * *

 **From:** Linhardt von Hevring <[lvh@gmu.edu](mailto:lvh@gmu.edu)>  
 **To:** Byleth Eisner <[eisnerb@gmu.edu](mailto:eisnerb@gmu.edu)>  
 **Subj:** Re: Hanneman and Slack

ok

Sent from my iPhone

* * *

 **From:** Linhardt von Hevring <[lvh@gmu.edu](mailto:lvh@gmu.edu)>  
 **To:** Hanneman von Essar <[hvessar@gmu.edu](mailto:hvessar@gmu.edu)>  
 **Subj:** slack

hanneman,

byleth told me to tell you to let me know if you need any help getting set up with slack

\- linhardt

Sent from my iPhone

* * *

 **From:** Hanneman von Essar <[hvessar@gmu.edu](mailto:hvessar@gmu.edu)>  
 **To:** Linhardt von Hevring <[lvh@gmu.edu](mailto:lvh@gmu.edu)>  
 **Subj:** Re: slack

Linhardt my boy,

Wonderful of you to volunteer to help! Could you give me a call? I’m afraid all this newfangled technology is getting the best of me!

HANNEMAN VON ESSAR  
Director, Undergraduate Research Project  
Garreg Mach University  
[ hvessar@gmu.edu](mailto:hvessar@gmu.edu)

* * *

**From:** Linhardt von Hevring <[lvh@gmu.edu](mailto:lvh@gmu.edu)>  
 **To:** Felix H. Fraldarius <[fhfrldrs@gmu.edu](mailto:fhfrldrs@gmu.edu)>   
**Subj:** delegating

i might have mentioned just now that you are better at computers than me so hanneman might ask you for help getting set up

sorry in advance

Sent from my iPhone

* * *

 **From:** Felix H. Fraldarius <[fhfrldrs@gmu.edu](mailto:fhfrldrs@gmu.edu)>   
**To:** Linhardt von Hevring <[lvh@gmu.edu](mailto:lvh@gmu.edu)>  
 **Subj:** Re: delegating

if not for the fact that these emails are subject to public record requests i would eviscerate you. thanks a lot.

/felix

Felix H. Fraldarius  
Garreg Mach University, Class of 1185 // _Computer Science & Engineering _  
Center for Community Based Learning // _Student Assistant_

* * *

**GMU Community Based Learning, #general**

**HANNEMAN VON ESSAR** 10:30 AM  
Hello! I am finally on Slack!  
How do I get to the conversation for the Undergraduate Research Project?

 **felix fraldarius** 10:31 AM  
click **#undergrad-research** on your left  
under “channels”

 **HANNEMAN VON ESSAR** 10:32 AM  
Channels? Like a television???

* * *

 **felix** @fhfrldrs **🔒** _\- 10m_  
i work with a bunch of luddites.  
💬0 🔁0 🤍2

> **felix** @fhfrldrs **🔒** _\- 10m_  
>  will a team in industry ever care about me as much as this team does? probably not. but at least they’d be able to operate slack.  
> 💬0 🔁0 🤍4

* * *

As a junior in the Garreg Mach School of Computer Science and Engineering, Felix Hugo Fraldarius is well-versed in problem-solving. Ever since his freshman year, he’s spent countless days in the computer lab and countless nights in his apartment chasing deadlines. Over those years, he’s written thousands of lines of code, and spent countless hours debugging.

Absolutely none of that prepared him to work in a unit containing Hanneman von Essar, the most technology-averse staff member at all of Garreg Mach University.

“You tell someone to turn their computer off and on again _one time_ ,” he complains to Sylvain, “and suddenly you’re an IT professional.”

The two of them are working at the kitchen table in the apartment they share with Dimitri and Ingrid, two of their oldest childhood friends. Ingrid, a firm believer in being well prepared for any emergency, had dragged Dimitri out to the grocery store about an hour ago. Dimitri ostensibly came along to help carry the groceries, but Ingrid had said cheerfully on their way out the door, “Oh, and Dimitri, if anyone gets in our way, you have to _take them out_ ,” and Dimitri had said, “Sorry? I’m afraid I don’t understand–” before the door slammed shut behind them.

(From what Felix has seen on Twitter in the last hour, Ingrid had been one hundred percent serious when she’d said that. Glenn had texted him a screenshot of the tweets in question, captioned with _Is this what happens when I leave you kids alone?_ Felix left him on read.)

“Listen, Fe, IT professionals make _bank_ ,” Sylvain says, with a certainty borne of his five-almost-six years in the Garreg Mach School of Business. “If that’s all you need to get certified as an IT guy, then you’re set for life.”

“I really don’t think Hanneman should be certifying _anyone_ for a career in industry,” Felix replies. His computer dings with an email from Hanneman, with the subject line _Slack help???_.

Not for the first time, Felix thinks, _Maybe I should have put more effort into looking for an internship last year._ Objectively, he knows this is stupid, because companies in industry rarely ever hire scrubs fresh out of their sophomore year when there’s a whole crop of promising juniors-soon-to-be-seniors (and desperate seniors-soon-to-be-graduates) looking for internships. But _gods_ , what he would give to work with people who knew how to operate a computer.

Sylvain kicks him under the table, startling him out of his spiral. Today, he’s wearing a white dress shirt, red basketball shorts, and gray Crocs lined with faux fur, truly embodying the look of a business student working from home. There’s no industry internship he knows of that would let him work with this absolute moron.

 _Maybe working from home isn’t so terrible_ , Felix thinks to himself.

“What’re you smiling about, Fe?” Sylvain asks, annoyingly perceptive as always.

Mercifully, Felix is saved from responding when the door bangs open. Ingrid bursts in, two grocery bags in hand, followed by Dimitri laden with the rest of their haul. “Felix,” Dimitri says mournfully from behind the stack of grocery bags, “your brother says to text him back.” 

“I’m _working_ ,” Felix grumbles. He minimizes Twitter and pulls up Hanneman’s email, just to look like he’s doing something productive, and immediately regrets it.

* * *

 **gm(f)u center for community based LOSERS,** 10:47 AM

 **felix**  
ok listen i know i’m a cse student but fuck’s sake  
i’m not part of IT i can’t remotely diagnose what’s happening on someone’s laptop  
@ **24/7 sleepy binch hours** tell hanneman that for me

 **24/7 sleepy binch hours**  
my condolences  
hes an incredible researcher hes just terrible with technology

 **ain’t no lie baby bye bye by(leth)**  
 **@felix** Someone from CBL IT once told me that Hanneman would be a great candidate for a usability study because he would find every single aspect of the interface that could possibly be confusing. Your thoughts?

 **felix** **  
**i do backend dev not frontend  
but fuck he would and i hate it

* * *

“It’s just so _embarrassing_ ,” Hilda whines, as Dorothea logs onto the student staff Zoom meeting. Shamir, their suite administrator, had sent out a terse email early that morning telling them that she’d provide updates on how, exactly, they’re supposed to earn money when the front desk (and the entire CBL suite, in general) is closed for the time being. Hilda and Claude are both calling in from Claude’s laptop, sprawled side by side on their ratty couch; Sylvain and Felix are calling in from Felix’s laptop, with Ingrid and Dimitri bustling around the kitchen and unloading groceries in the background; and judging by his camera angle, it looks like Linhardt is on his phone, lying in bed.

“What is?” asks Dorothea. “Oh, Lin, if we’re on a call with Shamir, shouldn’t you, er… get out of bed?”

“Shamir really doesn’t expect anything more out of me,” Linhardt says, half muffled by his pillow, and turns his camera off. 

“My big brother,” Hilda huffs, ignoring the previous conversation, “is an overprotective worrywart! I’m doing just fine up here.”

“That’s because you gave Ignatz and Raphael your entire grocery list and haven’t even stuck a toe outside since Friday,” Claude points out. He’s almost definitely playing a game on his phone while he waits for the meeting to begin. 

“Felix, does _your_ brother worry this much?” Hilda asks, tapping away at her cell phone. The mic on Claude’s laptop picks up the faint _click click click_ of her nails against the screen. “Please say no. I need someone to hold up as an example to Holst.”

“My brother texted me a screenshot of Ingrid’s tweets from this morning and asked if that was what happened when he left us kids alone.” Felix shrugs. “I don’t know what he expected.”

“Shit like this is _exactly_ what Glenn expected out of us, if you ask me,” Sylvain points out. Dorothea’s eyes light up and she pulls out her phone, asking, “Oh, what did my Ingrid tweet?”

Behind Dorothea, Edelgard comes into view of the camera, asking incredulously in the background, “You _arm wrestled_ my _stepbrother_ for _toilet paper?_ ”

“Oh, was that your stepbrother?” says Caspar blithely, from offscreen. “He totally wiped the floor with me! I gotta get stronger so I’ll beat him next time!”

“You guys, I’m _on a call_ ,” Dorothea hisses, and mutes herself. 

Claude’s phone buzzes, and his eyes widen briefly. “Shamir just sent us a Slack message. ‘ _Internet’s out. Talk later._ ’ Well, uh, thanks everyone for showing up. I guess she’ll email us to set up another meeting.”

* * *

 **Leonie Pinelli** @leoniep - _10m_ _  
_My prof for History of War said he lost a rock-paper-scissors game with his kid so he had to use his home gym as his office today LOL  
💬1 🔁0 🤍2

> **Leonie Pinelli** @leoniep - _10m_ _  
> _also he showed us his dog!!  
>  💬1 🔁0 🤍7
>
>> **Ignatz @ comms open!! 🎨** @IgnatzV_Art - _8m_  
>  So what kind of dog was it???  
> 💬1 🔁3 🤍15
>>
>>> **Raphael!!!!!** @beefcakerights - _7m_  
>  Yo can you ask Professor Eisner to drop his gym routine???? 😁😁😁😁😁  
> 💬0 🔁5 🤍27

* * *

**gm(f)u center for community based LOSERS,** 3:30 PM

 **“you’re sylvain”, by carly simon**  
lmao did you guys see this tweet from leonie  
 _[Sent an image: jeraltsgym.png]_

 **Dorothea(:** **  
**Ignatz is the only valid man in this house <3

 **ain’t no lie baby bye bye by(leth)**  
Raphael _why_

 **s(chem)er king** **  
**wait but what kind of dog IS it

**ain’t no lie baby bye bye by(leth)**   
_[Sent an image: sieg.jpg]_

* * *

**Raphael!!!!!** @beefcakerights - _10m_  
Jeralt Eisner: DROP YOUR WORKOUT ROUTINE  chng.it/fe3h via @Change  
💬1 🔁3 🤍51

* * *

**Petition · Jeralt Eisner: DROP YOUR WORKOUT ROUTINE · Change.org**

Leonie Pinelli started this petition to Jeralt Eisner

Professor Jeralt said that if we get 500 signatures on a petition he’ll give us his home workout routine. Please sign so that we can all get ripped like him during Nemesis!

_21 people have signed. Let’s get to 50!_

**Reasons for signing:**

**Raphael Kirsten**  
Jeralt is one of the most jacked profs on campus! I wanna know how he does it!!!

* * *

 **sleepy bitch hours** @linhardtimes **🔒** \- _1h_ _  
_wfh update day 3: gyms are closed and @shortking111 is lifting weights in the living room. i feel tired just looking at him  
💬0 🔁0 🤍3

* * *

“Dad, you really told your students to make a petition for you to release your workout routine?” Byleth asks, looking up from their laptop. They’re working on the couch in the living room, while Jeralt is parked at the desk across the room. The family tabby cat, Marica, is curled up on Byleth’s feet, while their corgi, Sieg, is napping under Jeralt’s desk. Sieg’s little legs twitch in his sleep every now and then.

“I didn’t think they would actually do it,” Jeralt demurs, but there’s a glint in his eyes that implies he thinks it’s absolutely hilarious. “Plus, while they’re busy trying to get signatures, it’ll buy me time to catch up on grading.”

Byleth rolls their eyes. Jeralt feels a brief moment of pride that his kid can finally emote – life at GMU has really been good for them, he thinks – followed by a brief stab of betrayal that they’re using their newfound power to _make fun of him_. “It’s the second week of the quarter,” Byleth points out. “How are you already behind on grading?”

“ _You_ try grading fifty undergrads’ discussion posts, kiddo. Not my fault admin slashed funding to the history department and cut my TA. Again.”

* * *

 **KGMU 101.3,** **_Morning Caffeine_** **, Friday, Great Tree Moon 10, 8:03 AM**

 **ANNETTE DOMINIC, HOST:** Good morning, Garreg Mach! You’re listening to KGMU 101.3. I’m Annette Dominic, and this is _Morning Caffeine_.

_[Music. It’s the same bastardized version of the Folgers Coffee jingle.]_

**DOMINIC:** It’s the end of our first full week of Snowstorm Nemesis, and I know a lot of us have been adjusting to working and studying at home. It’s weird, right? I never study at home – I’m a big fan of the Macuil Library, myself. So I asked my roommates and a few of my neighbors to share their work-from-home tips!

_[Click. A recording starts to play.]_

**DOMINIC:** What are your tips for our listeners working and studying from home?

 **DIMITRI BLAIDDYD, PRINCE OF FAERGHUS (AND ALSO THE HOST’S NEIGHBOR):** Ah, I’m not sure how helpful my advice might be… I think one important thing to do is to find physical ways to separate your school and home life. I study at the kitchen table, then take my laptop to my room when I want to relax.

 **DEDUE MOLINARO, HOST’S ROOMMATE:** Making time to exercise is important. Dimitri and I have been trying various at-home workout routines for the past week. If you have recommendations, please tweet them to Annette at MorningCaf and she will pass them our way.

 **INGRID GALATEA, HOST’S NEIGHBOR:** Find ways to stay connected with your friends, even if you can’t see them face-to-face! Lately, Dorothea and I have been streaming _Shadows of Valentia_ together on one of those video-sharing sites. 

**FELIX FRALDARIUS, HOST’S NEIGHBOR:** When you’re off the clock, be _off the clock_. I don’t respond to _anything_ work-related outside my hours.

 **ASHE UBERT, HOST’S ROOMMATE:** Take advantage of the extra time you’re spending at home to do something you might not usually do! I’ve been baking a lot of bread with Dedue and Mercedes lately. Try something new, or get back into something you’ve been too busy to do!

 **SYLVAIN GAUTIER, HOST’S NEIGHBOR:** Go to class or work in what’s comfortable for you. Basketball shorts in a snowstorm? Why not? You’re not going outside! Hell, you don’t even have to wear pants if you don’t want to. Just... Don’t stand up during a call.

 **MERCEDES VON MARTRITZ, HOST’S ROOMMATE:** It’s important to take frequent breaks! And remember – if you’re not being as productive as usual, it’s because your routine has been disrupted. Be gentle with yourself!

_[Click. The recording stops.]_

**DOMINIC:** I hope some tidbit of that wisdom was helpful for you, listeners! Next up is the Garreg Mach Jazz Band with [ “Somewhere to Belong”](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-xIylJVPIBo)!

* * *

 **CASPAR!!!** @shortking111 - _15m_  
yo anyone got tips for at-home workouts??? the grind stops for no snowstorm!!!  
💬1 🔁0 🤍21

> **Raphael!!!!!** @beefcakerights - _7m_  
>  Dude you know Professor Eisner?? We have a petition circulating to get him to drop his home workout routine chng.it/fe3h  
> 💬1 🔁0 🤍3
>
>> **CASPAR!!!** @shortking111 - _15m_  
>  dude prof jeralt is so ripped this routine would be incredible!! signed thx king!!  
> 💬0 🔁0 🤍1

* * *

**sleepy bitch hours** @linhardtimes **🔒** \- _20m_ _  
_wfh update day 12: alright i know dorothea’s voice is a delicate instrument that needs to be maintained but if i hear let it go again i /will/ lose my mind  
💬0 🔁0 🤍7

* * *

 **gm(f)u center for community based LOSERS,** 8:30 AM

 **ain’t no lie baby bye bye by(leth)** **  
**Has anyone else noticed that Manuela has been… eerily professional since all this began?

 **24/7 sleepy binch hours**  
hanneman hasnt complained about her once since this whole thing started  
not even in dms  
im impressed

 **Dorothea(:**  
Oh, she hasn’t been able to go to the bar recently.  
Isn’t it amazing how effective she is when she’s not hungover?  
She’s so on top of things, she even had time to give me pointers on my latest cover!

 **24/7 sleepy binch hours**  
oh is THAT what ive been hearing

* * *

 **Dorothea Arnault** @DorotheaSings - _17m_ _  
_The weather outside was perfect for filming this; my new cover of “Let It Go” is up now! Special thanks to my housemates for not killing me through all 17 takes of this <3 Check it out: <https://youtu.be/dgjd7FcOhFA>   
💬86 🔁5,270 🤍7,392

* * *

 **KGMU 101.3,** **_Morning Caffeine_** **, Friday, Great Tree Moon 17, 9:02 AM**

 **ANNETTE DOMINIC, HOST:** That was Garreg Mach’s own Dorothea Arnault with her new cover of [“Let It Go”](https://youtu.be/dgjd7FcOhFA). This is KGMU 101.3, you’re listening to _Morning Caffeine_ , and I’m Annette Dominic!

_[Music. It’s the same bastardized version of the Folgers Coffee jingle, but it sounds like in the last week, someone has overlaid a cowbell track on top.]_

**DOMINIC:** We’re at the end of the second week of Snowstorm Nemesis. I don’t know about you, but my roommates and I sure are feeling the effects of staying at home! In these trying times, we’re relying more than ever on the intrepid folks at GMU AtmoSci to tell us what’s up next. On that note, here’s Cade Kuiper with the weather.

 **CADE KUIPER, WEATHERMAN:** Greetings, Garreg Mach! Something to report: it looks like we’ve got about a week and a half of snow left before Snowstorm Nemesis leaves Garreg Mach and makes its way south to Merceus. Boy, I don’t envy those guys! Annette, back to you.

 **DOMINIC:** Thank you, Cade! Up next, this piece might mirror how you feel right now – this is the Garreg Mach Symphonic Band with [ “Foundry”](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rWJt431LyKU).

* * *

 **From:** Jeralt Eisner <[jeralt@gmu.edu](mailto:jeralt@gmu.edu)>  
 **To:** HIST498B_SPR89 <[hist498b_spr89@gmu.edu](mailto:hist498b_spr89@gmu.edu)>  
 **Subj:** [HIST498B_SPR89] Well… 

I didn’t actually expect for you all to get over a thousand signatures. Color me impressed. As promised,  here is my home workout routine. 

Your discussion posts comparing Fódlander treatment of Duscurians and Almyrans during the Unification War are still due on Thursday night, and trying my workout routine is not an excuse for late submission. Let me know if you have any questions about the assignment.

Jeralt

Jeralt Eisner  
Garreg Mach University  
Associate Professor | History of War and Society

* * *

 **harmlessly bastardous** @enDEERing - _2_ _7m_ _  
_much to our housemates’ dismay? delight? indifference? @beefcakerights @leoniep and i are attempting the jeralt workout routine. stay tuned  
💬0 🔁2 🤍37

* * *

“Lorenz...” Marianne clutches her textbook, following her housemate up the stairs from the basement they’ve collectively decided upon as the study, “I don’t think the video is that long. I-is it really worth yelling about–” 

“ _Listen_ ,” Lorenz snaps, slamming the living room door open, “I have nothing against you attempting to maintain your pre-Nemesis fitness levels. But I feel compelled to inform you that in case it has slipped your minds, our study is _directly below the living room_ , and you have been jumping for the past seven minutes.”

Marianne pokes her head around Lorenz, who has stopped directly in the middle of the doorway for maximum effect, to view the scene. 

Hilda is sprawled elegantly over their ratty blue living room couch, watching her nail polish dry; Ignatz is curled up in the little space that Hilda’s not occupying at the other end of the couch, sketchbook balanced on his knees; and Raphael, Claude, and Leonie are finishing up a set of jumping jacks. Raphael’s laptop is hooked up to the TV, playing Jeralt’s workout video. On-screen, Jeralt says, “ _Okay, that's the end of set one. This break’s gonna go for fifteen seconds, but you can take up to a two-minute break if you need it._ ” Raphael and Leonie look like they haven’t yet broken a sweat, but Claude, looking grateful for the distraction, hits pause on the video and immediately flops onto the floor. “Sorry about the noise, Lorenz,” he grimaces, muffled by the ugly paisley rug Lorenz bought their sophomore year and staunchly refused to sell.

“Our bad!” Leonie says, without a shred of contrition.

“You wanna join in for the rest of the workout?” Raphael offers. 

“I wouldn’t, if I were you. I’m getting tired just _looking_ at them,” Hilda yawns, waving a manicured hand delicately. “And it’s only been ten minutes.”

“This is why I’m studying in my room today.” Lysithea pushes past Marianne and not-so-gently elbowing Lorenz out of the doorway. “Out of the way, Lorenz, I need something to eat if I’m going to make it through this lecture.” She nudges Claude’s outstretched arms out of the way with her foot and disappears into the kitchen.

Claude lifts his head from the rug, a beige piece of lint stuck to his cheek. “Hil, can you pass me my water bottle?”

“Aw, Claude, I totally would, but my nail polish is still drying.”

“What kind of best friend are you,” Claude groans. Marianne steps past Lorenz, picks up Claude’s water bottle, and hands it over. Claude sits up with a wince and takes a swig. “Ugh, thank you, Marianne. Friendship over with Hilda. Marianne is my new best friend.”

“O-oh, I don’t think it was worth that much–” Marianne starts, as Hilda indignantly cuts in with “You can’t just _replace me_ with my _girlfriend_ , Claude!”

Leonie pokes Claude’s thigh with her toe. “Up and at ‘em, Claude. Your heart rate’ll drop again if you’re on the ground for much longer.”

“If you’re having a hard time, that just means you need to build some more muscle. You should start coming to the gym with me and Leonie when Nemesis is over!” Raphael grins. 

"How are you ever gonna sweep Byleth off their feet if you can't even do up and down planks for forty seconds?" Hilda contributes with a sunny smile. Claude winces. 

Lorenz rolls his eyes and leaves the room with a huff. Marianne, accepting that nothing is going to get done until Jeralt’s routine finishes, settles in between Hilda and Ignatz to watch her housemates finish their workout.

* * *

 **Morning Caffeine on KGMU! ☕🍵** @MorningCaf _\- 52m_  
Anyone out there trying the Jeralt Routine? My roommate and a couple of our neighbors are doing it right now, and gosh, does it look tiring!  
💬15 🔁3 🤍42

> **Dimitri Alexandre Blaiddyd** ✅ @dablaiddyd - _4m_  
>  @MorningCaf As one of the aforementioned neighbors, I must say it was quite an experience! Professor Jeralt truly knows how to work the muscles you might not have known you had.  
> 💬25 🔁27 🤍196
>
>> **Khalid Claude von Riegan** ✅ @kcvr_official - _8m_  
>  @MorningCaf @dablaiddyd My housemates and I just tried it, and I’ve gotta say, that is quite the workout! They’re fitness nuts so they’ll be fine, but I don’t think my body will ever recover. If you’re bored in the snowstorm, though, it’s a fun thing to try with your roommates!  
> 💬19 🔁18 🤍175

* * *

**Garreg Mach Herald** [herald.gmu.edu]

A Workout for the History Books

_Odessa Silverberg_

“Before we get started, I just want to let you know that all of this is thanks to my students.”

So begins the latest video from Professor Jeralt Eisner, whose HIST 498 course on Fodlan’s Unification War is regularly filled up by the second day of registration. Unlike the video lectures Eisner has delivered for this quarter’s partially-online iteration of HIST 498, however, this video instead describes Eisner’s at-home workout routine.

The video is a result of a good-natured petition put together by Eisner’s students, who saw his home gym setup during a class two weeks ago. “My kid and I had a meeting and class at the same time, and I lost to them at rock-paper-scissors,” Eisner laughed, when I hopped on a Zoom call with him. “So they got to use the living room for their meeting, and I had to do class from the garage. My students wouldn’t let the idea of my workout routine go, so eventually I told them if they got five hundred signatures on a petition, I’d put a video together for them.”

“Honestly, I’m surprised at how it took off,” said Leonie Pinelli, a junior in the History department, who started the petition. “There’s only fifty students in our class. But I guess there are a lot of folks out there who wanted to hear about Jeralt’s routine, too – the petition got over 2,000 signatures in the end!”

Part of the popularity of Eisner’s workout video stems from its accessibility for the average college student – before launching into the routine, he says, “This is the workout I used when I was in college a thousand years ago, and couldn’t afford a gym membership or equipment.” He forgoes the equipment visible behind him in favor of what he had in college: an exercise mat and the floor. The video also guest stars Eisner’s aforementioned offspring, Byleth, as well as their cat and dog; all three wander through the background as Eisner takes the viewer through his routine, and Byleth joins their father in the final set of exercises. 

Two of GMU’s resident royalty, Prince Dimitri Blaiddyd of Faerghus and Prince Khalid von Riegan of Almyra, recently tweeted about completing the workout. The twenty-minute video, at the time this article went to press, had over 50,000 views. 

* * *

**KGMU 101.3,** **_Morning Caffeine_** **, Friday, Great Tree Moon 24, 8:47 AM**

 **ANNETTE DOMINIC, HOST:** Good morning, Garreg Mach! Just now, that was the GMU Saints Marching Band with their cover of [ “When The Saints Go Marching In”](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MgsgUbXCeIA). I’m Annette Dominic, and you’re listening to _Morning Caffeine_ on KGMU 101.3!

_[Music. The same bastardized version of the Folgers Coffee jingle, complete with cowbell track.]_

**DOMINIC:** Some exciting news, for those of you who haven’t checked your emails yet – and to you folks in particular, thanks for letting _Morning Caffeine_ be your morning news source! – Snowstorm Nemesis is on its way south to Merceus, and we are officially heading back to campus on Monday morning. What a relief! I don’t know about you, but I’m ready to stop broadcasting from home – 

_[A door creaks open.]_

**MERCEDES VON MARTRITZ, HOST’S ROOMMATE:** _[Muffled]_ Annie, have you seen our muffin pan? 

**DOMINIC:** Mercie, I’m on the air!

 **VON MARTRITZ:** _[Muffled]_ Oh no! I’m sorry, Annie.

 **DOMINIC:** It’s okay, don’t worry about it! I think Ashe and Dedue might have taken it down the hall. They were gonna bake with Dimitri today, right?

 **VON MARTRITZ:** _[Muffled]_ Oh, that’s right. Thank you!

_[The door closes.]_

**DOMINIC:** _[Laughs sheepishly.]_ You see what I mean about working from home? I’m sure you all have some stories, too. Got any good ones? You can tweet them to me @MorningCaf, that’s M-O-R-N-I-N-G-C-A-F, no spaces. I’m really looking forward to hearing what you’ve been up to in the snowstorm! 

_[_[ _Music_](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=szsUeiU1RjA) _fades in.]_

 **DOMINIC:** Next up is Garreg Mach’s Philharmonic Orchestra with [ “The Edge of Dawn”](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=szsUeiU1RjA)! 

* * *

“ _Do_ we have any good stories about working from home?” Caspar asks Linhardt. They’re both at the dining room table, which has doubled as their house’s study for the past three weeks. Linhardt is attempting to take a nap at the table, his head pillowed on his arms. To their left, at the end of the table, Edelgard, Hubert, and Ferdinand are working together on some kind of project, heads bent together; Petra’s papers are spread across the other end of the table. (Bernadetta is, as usual, in her room.) From the kitchen, Dorothea can faintly be heard singing along with the music on the radio: _Reach for my hand, I’ll soar away…_

Linhardt mumbles into his arms, “Not really, unless you count the time you arm-wrestled Edelgard’s stepbrother at the supermarket for a pack of toilet paper.”

“I am not sure grocery shopping counts as working from home,” Ferdinand mutters, as Caspar reminisces, “He was _yoked_. I bet the Jeralt workout was a piece of cake for him.”

Edelgard massages her temples with her pointer fingers, as if the mere memory of the whole event has given her a headache. “I still cannot believe you challenged Dimitri to a fight in the middle of the grocery store.”

Petra looks up from her assorted papers and says solemnly, “That is why I was paying him the emotional reparations.”

“Thank the goddess we’re returning to campus soon,” Hubert says. “If I spend much longer around your idiocy I fear I may lose brain cells.”

* * *

 **From:** Seteth C. Hol <[seteth@gmu.edu](mailto:seteth@gmu.edu)>  
 **To:** CBL Staff <[cbl_staff@gmu.edu](mailto:cbl_staff@gmu.edu)>  
 **Subj:** [CBL Staff] Update: Returning to the workplace

Good morning CBL staff,

As per GMU leadership’s earlier email, GMU campus will reopen on Monday morning. Unit leads are encouraged to remain in communication with their staff regarding the return to the office, as some workers’ transportation to campus may still be impeded by the aftermath of Snowstorm Nemesis. Please adjust your unit’s return-to-the-workplace plan as necessary to prioritize staff safety, and make sure to keep both myself and Catherine ([ccharon@gmu.edu](mailto:ccharon@gmu.edu)) in the loop regarding any adjustments.

Thank you for your patience and flexibility throughout these unexpected storms. I look forward to seeing you all in Cathedral Hall in the week to come.

Regards,  
Seteth

SETETH C. HOL  
Garreg Mach University  
Associate Dean | Undergraduate Academics & Programming  
[ seteth@gmu.edu](mailto:seteth@gmu.edu) | Cathedral Hall, Suite 201

* * *

 **gm(f)u center for community based LOSERS,** 10:02 PM

 **ain’t no lie baby bye bye by(leth)** **  
**Oh fuck.  
Just remembered I left a cup of coffee on my desk the day before Nemesis started.  
I didn’t even get to finish it...

 **(s)chem(er) king**  
hey i’ll venmo you if you let me run experiments on it

 **hilda! hilda! hilda!** **  
**That’s my chem king!! Absolutely unafraid of ANY consequences!! 🤩🤩🤩

 **24/7 sleepy binch hours**  
hanneman truly wishes all his undergrads were like you

* * *

 **Claude von Riegan** paid **Byleth Eisner** **  
**21m 🌎  
think i passed out when i opened ur mug but the science is gonna be amazing  
🤍10 💬

**Author's Note:**

> enjoyed leonie's petition to jeralt? here are a bunch of real petitions you can sign! <https://impact.crd.co/>
> 
> remember kiddos: Black lives matter! wear a frickin mask! keep on social distancing!
> 
> i'm on twitter [@tadhanastar](https://twitter.com/tadhanastar). if you liked this fic, consider giving the promo tweet a rt [here](https://twitter.com/tadhanastar/status/1281703269098639361)!


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